How to Cope With Anger by Taking a Time-Out

How to Cope With Anger by Taking a Time-Out PTSD Coping Print Why Adults With Anger Can Benefit From Taking a Time-Out By Matthew Tull, PhD twitter Matthew Tull, PhD is a professor of psychology at the University of Toledo, specializing in post-traumatic stress disorder. Learn about our editorial policy Matthew Tull, PhD Updated on February 09, 2020 CaiaImage / Getty Images More in PTSD Coping Causes Symptoms Diagnosis Treatment Related Conditions PTSD and the Military Anger tends to be upsetting in any case. But post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can make anger much worse and even lead to violent behavior. If you have PTSD, youre probably well aware that it isnt always easy to know how to cope with anger. Here is a proven method for helping to lessen your anger  before it can get worse and some tips for making it work. The plan is to take a time-out, which means briefly removing yourself from an anger situation thats getting worse and letting yourself cool down. The steps involved in planning for a time-out and taking it are described below. How to Create Your Anger Time-Out Plan Step 1. Make a plan for how to cope with anger before you find yourself in a heated situation. The idea is to decide ahead about what youll do to cool down the situation and yourself. Think about where youll be and who else will be there. Choose a quiet, relaxing place to go on-site in case you need a time-out. Come up with some things you can do to cool down during a time-out, such as deep breathing or mindfulness exercises. Step 2. Plan what youd like to say to explain taking a time-out. Its important to be very clear and open about your feelings and your needs. Step 3. Once youre on-site, stay alert for body cues that warn a situation is getting too heated for you and your anger is increasing. Body cues may include a more rapid heart rate and a higher level of body tension. Pay attention to how your body feels. Remember, the earlier you catch your anger, the better you can manage it. Step 4. If something is making you angry that doesnt involve another person, and you can feel your anger increasing, its time for a time-out. Remove yourself from the situation as soon as you can. If you feel yourself getting angry with another person or a group, tell them you need a time out. But dont just get up and leave. Instead, explain how youre feeling and why you need to excuse yourself for a few minutes. Use I statements in your explanation. For example, dont say, You make me so angry I just have to leave the room. Instead, say, I am noticing that I am starting to get upset. So I am going to take a few minutes to calm down, and then I would like it if we could continue our conversation. Step 5. While youre explaining the actions youre going to take, make an effort to manage your anger. Try some of these coping skills for managing stress. Step 6. Once youre in your time-out space, remember that youre supposed to be cooling down. Dont get caught up in doing things that sustain or increase your anger, such as going over the situation in your mind or thinking about who said what and how it made you feel. Practicing mindfulness can help keep you from getting caught up in negative thoughts and self-talk. Step 7. After your anger has come down to a more manageable level, and before returning to the situation you left, think about what youll do and say when you get there. Take a moment to practice your plan to make sure you can stick to it. Step 8. When youre ready with your plan, return to the situation and put it into effect. If you were talking with another person or a group, express your appreciation of their understanding. Thank them for giving you the opportunity to calm down. Dealing With Anger in a Healthy Way Is Crucial Tips for Making Your Time-Out Work To give your time out plan the best chance of working to control your anger, try these tips: Plan ahead. Time-outs are not supposed to be unpredictable or sudden. Think ahead about where you can go and the things you can do during a time-out.Practice! The more you practice your time-out plan, the easier it will be to use.Time-outs are not escapes. Make sure you always return to the situation so that it can be resolved calmly and effectively.Let others know that youll be taking time-outs to help keep angry moments from getting more heated. The people you share this with will respect your commitment to your relationships with them.Keep in mind that time-outs wont always be effective. Seek out additional opportunities to learn how to cope with anger. Remember, the more tools you have for keeping your anger under control, the better you will handle it when the need arises. The 7 Best Online Anger Management Classes